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This is one of classics in the Eddings humor genre. It's written by Kalten (Kalten~!!!). If you like this story or would like to comments on it you can email him at Cyberkalt@aol.com.

Chapter I : The Beginning

The gods had just finished putting the final touches to, what we know as, the Great Western Sea and were sitting in divine paradise sunbathing whilst sipping cans of Sola Cola.

Nedra was in the usual process of getting process of setting up the great hall for a game of cards when Belar came up with an idea.

"How abouts we move one of the snooker tables outdoors into space, right above World Belgariad and have a game there, just for a change? I'm getting a bit tired of playing Snap."

Belar was a young god at the time and easily got bored. No-one bothered to argue and so a snooker table was moved from the halls of paradise to the open space right above the newly built world of the Belgariad.

Micro-seconds later, everything was setup and ready to go. This was promising to be another nice relaxing afternoon.

Cthrag Yaska "As per usual," said Nedra. "The rules of competition are as follows, all seven colourless balls (Cthrag Transparente's) must be potted first, followed by the divine colours in the following sequence:- cthrag notrelevente(yellow), sardius(orange), dante(green), solarus(brown), yaska(blue), sindy(pink) and finally guru(black)."

Nedra flipped his seven sided Rubik's Cube into the air. It landed neatly in the centre of the snooker table.

"Black! Brother Torak, looks like you're first".

Torak took to the table. After chalking his cue (one which he had got autographed by Steve Davis), he moved the cue ball into a strategic position, ready to break.

Twas an awesome shot, worthy of the mightiest snooker player. The Cthrag Yaska crashed straight into the Cthrag Sardius with mind-boggling impact which tore the fabric of space dividing prophecy into light and dark.

Alas for Torak, both balls tumbled off the table and headed straight towards the world of the Belgariad. Whilst one ball was on course to bury itself into Mallorea, the other headed towards Sendaria to break Faldor's window. Sometimes I wish Belar had just kept his mouth shut.

"I'm afraid that's a foul, brother mine." Said Nedra to Torak.

Suddenly UL appeared in a puff of smoke. "What hath all thouest done? The division of prophecy! This cannot, must not be!"

"Ah, but it is, Father of Gods", said the Dark Prophecy speaking through Torak. "The division is now complete".

"Yes.", agreed the Light Prophecy speaking through Aldur. "That which was one is now two. And we can never be rejoined again unless. . . "

". . . unless the holy prayer '2 become 1' is sung above the skies of World Belgariad. However, this song can only be found in a place called 'Earth'.", said the Dark Prophecy. "Alas, no-one who has gone to Earth has ever returned. The holy song itself can only be found in the mind of one of the descendants of House Atreides. Five seers from the spice planet Arrakis currently live on Earth; they are known as the Spice Girls and only they hold the key to restoring our universe."

"So what should we do now?", said UL.

"Behold", said the Light Prophecy, "In the day that thou is greeted by one of thy monsters shalt thou hold the key to the realm of Earth. Choose carefully which of thy sons shalt take up the quest, for he may not return.".

"I'll go.", said Aldur.

"I wouldn't wannabe in your shoes" commented Belar.

"Dost thou accept this responsibility freely?", asked the Dark Prophecy.

"Yes", said Aldur.

"Then go! Go down to the World Belgariad. A seed has been planted there which will grow in years to come. It shall hold some of the answers that thou and thy brothers have been looking for.".

"That's all?", said Aldur, "Just go down and wait for a tree to grow?".

But the prophecies had departed.

"Don't question the words of prophecy, brother mine", said Belar. "Just say you'll be there.", he added with a grin.

Aldur threw his cue stick at Belar hitting him squarely on the nose.

"Ouch! Mama! Help!", squealed Belar running off.

"My sons! Thous hast all been partly responsible in the division of reality into two different possibilities. Thou are all nowst charged with rejoining those possibilities. Aldur, thou shalt depart immediately for World Belgariad. The rest of you, do as you will, but be ready when I call upon thee. And do not touch the snooker table again. The game has yet to be played out, and I foresee the prophecies coming back to finish the game.".

And then, UL too departed.

Chapter II: The Tree in the Vale Of Aldur


A long time ago, after UL had spun the world out of nothingness (is there such a word?), a single seed was planted on a randomly selected piece of land.

Aldur decided to watch this tree grow and built his tower here. He marked the outer perimeter of this land with urine and called all that lay therein 'The Vale Of Aldur'.

The following summer, a small plant began to grow where the seed had been planted. Aldur looked at it, trying to make out what type of plant it was.

Over the next few years, the tree grew taller and taller. On the eve of the tree's sixteenth birthday UL descended down from the sky.

"So my son!" he said to Aldur, "Have thouest guessed-est what this tree is and what it doth represents?"

"Is it a beanstalk?" asked Aldur. It would be nice to have a gateway to heaven right in the middle of Vale Of Aldur. After all, beaming up gets a little tedious after a while.

"Nay son' said UL. 'This tree will be the first of its kind. It is here to represent long life in mortals and will be the ultimate grandparent to a child that will be known in the distant future as 'The Queen Of The World'."

"How is it possible that a tree can be a Queen?" asked Aldur.

"This tree is but half of one of the 'monsters' that thou and thy brothers have created. The female part of this species is known in the Ulgo language as 'dryad' meaning 'good looking female monster which likes sweets'. It is..."

UL suddenly stopped in mid-sentence as if paralyzed. The voice of prophecy spoke out through UL's lips.

"Behold, in the day that the Angarak sacred texts speak of 'Scully' and 'Mulder' shall Ce'Files reveal herself to thee. Guard well the ultimate dryad, for she shall have no brother. Seek her out, Beloved Master for she will come only once. And despair not, if thouest does not understand. Remember that, the truth is out there".

"Father?", said Aldur. "Are you okay?"

"Yes son. Now listen son. Thou must seek out the she-dryad Ce'Files".

"I understand Father. What did the prophecy mean when it talked about 'Scully' and 'Mulder'?"

"Aldur my son, thy brothers' last creation was man. Each of your brothers in the process invented a language for them to speak. The words come from thy brother Torak's Angarak language. The word 'Scully' means much the same as the Ulgo word 'dryad'. The word 'Mulder' means 'he-dryad'. It doth not translate well, but it doth refers to the tree."

"I see. When do I leave?"

"Now, Aldur. I must go. Take care my son". And then he was gone.

Aldur sighed as he turned south and started walking towards the lands of his brother Torak...

Chapter III: Aldur


Aldur was walking slowly in a southernly direction. His quest was to find the she dryad Ce'Files.

The words of prophecy were swirling in his mind. 'In the day that the Angarak sacred texts speak of 'Scully' and 'Mulder' shall Ce'Files reveal herself to thee.'

Hmm. . . thought Aldur. If he was ever going to find Ce'Files, he was going to have to find the Angarak book which mentioned her.

This wasn't going to be easy. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to get a little help.

He called out to the prophecy. 'Are you there? Can I talk to you for a moment?'

'What is it, Aldur? I'm busy!'.

'Can you give me a few pointers as to how I should go about starting this task of mine?'.

'Go south to the High Places of Korim where your brother is currently jibber jabbering. You'll know what to do when you get there.'

'Okey dokey dukey' said Aldur quoting one of Belar's favourite replies.

Summoning forth his divine powers, Aldur teleported himself outside the High Places of Korim.

High was an understatement. The temple of Torak was situated the highest mountain of the Korim reef.

Luckily for Aldur, he had bought along a bottle of Gummi Berry Juice. Uncorking the bottle, Aldur took a long drink out of the bottle. A silent bell (ding!) could be heard in the background signalling that the juice was working. Within seconds Aldur had bounced his way up to the top of the mountain.

Just in time to hear Torak going into a trance. . . '. . . and they shall number 12, the Swords of Power. For twelve is a lucky number. And with these Swords shalt great destructive power be bestowed upon thee. Go therefore to the lands of Saber-Haven. . . '

Aldur suddenly noticed scribes writing down everything Torak was saying.

Yes! thought Aldur. All that Torak had said was down on paper.

'. . . however, the Swords of Power shalt aid thee not in thy search for Scully. . . '

What was this? A mention of Ce'Files?

'. . . .not Wayfinder nor Farslayer can seek her out. . . only the Chosen One will find her. . . '.

Great! thought Aldur. Big help there Torak buddy.

Aldur listened for a few minutes more but it was apparant that Torak was talking gibberish again.

He sighed and decided to call it day. Turning northwards, he laid in a course for the Vale of Aldur, warp nine and set off at godspeed.

He was soon out of Cthol Murgos, flying past Nyissa and on the way home. It was whilst he was getting towards Tolnedra when he noticed a very odd looking tree.

Aldur stopped to observe the tree. What had caught his eye was the fat that it looked like a larger version of the tree in the middle of the Vale of Aldur. It looked different and yet similar, if that were at all possible.

Suddenly he heard a small noise behind him, like the sound of a squirrel scampering. He turned round to see a the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. The girl held a bow in her left hand. And in the right, she held an arrow against the taut string. The arrow was pointed straight at Aldur.

'Well hello there!' she said, 'I've been waiting for you.'

She lowered her bow and dropped it to the ground.

'Why don't you come in for some tea?' she said. She turned towards the tree and said 'Open'. A part of the tree moved revealing an opening.

The girl entered and disappeared inside.

What have I got to lose thought Aldur as he too entered the tree. . .

Chapter IV: Ce'Files

Aldur's Tower

Aldur found that the inside of the tree looked similar to the inside of his own tower back at the Vale. Thinking about it, he couldn't really see why it should look any different.

"So," said Aldur, "You're Ce'Files?".

"How very perceptive of you", said Ce'Files smiling at him.

"Why are you here?" said Aldur.

"I'm moving house. The Vale got a little boring. Not much chance of getting a mate there. So I decided to move down here next to Tolnedra."

"What I meant was, 'What is your purpose in the universe?'"

"Did the prophecy not tell you? I'm supposed to be the ultimate great grandmother of the wife of the Godslayer"


"Yes, Godslayer. Did you not know? Your brother Torak was a mistake. A direct result of the division of prophecy."

"But my brother Torak CAUSED the division of prophecy by smashing the power orbs."

"No, not really. Your brother simply caused the rift to grow further. Anyway, enough chitter chatter. our job is to go to Earth and check in on your brother Eriond."

"I don't have a brother Eriond" objected Aldur.

"You do now" said Ce'Files. "I'll explain on the way".

Ce'Files climbed to the top of the tree. It was a long climb as the tree reached high into the sky.

As they reached the top, Aldur began to wish he had brought along a second bottle of Gummi Berry Juice.

"Are we there yet" asked Aldur.

"Nearly" said Ce'Files. "We just climb up this ladder which hangs down from the clouds."

"Hangs down from where?"

"The clouds. It is a gateway to the land of Earth. We climb up this ladder and enter a dimension gateway which will transport us to Earth. When we get there, we'll just climb down the ladder there onto the tree there. By the way, the tree on Earth is called the Faraway Tree. Over there I am called Silky the Pixie."

"Something's just occurred to me", said Aldur. "Why do you need to come along? Why did the prophecy not give me instructions to go alone?"

Ce'Files giggled. "There's something that you and me have to do together. But also because, I am linked to the tree here on World Belgariad. Had you come alone, you would not have the means to return. You are a god back home, but on Earth, you are a god no longer. Keep that in mind."

"Oh right," said Aldur. "So because you are linked, you can always take us home?"

"Sort of. For safety reasons, I have cast the dryad spell of re-union over myself and over the tree back at home. If we do not return to World Belgariad within four hours, the spell will activate and me and the tree will be re-united. Because you are with me, you will also be taken along."

"Oh right, but how do you know that it won't be the tree that gets teleported to this place?"

"Because, dear Aldur, magic is stronger in World Belgariad and also because I cast the spell back there and not here. Just trust me."

Aldur and Ce'Files climbed up the ladder into the clouds. It was not what Aldur had expected. There was nothing there except doors. One was labelled 'Earth'. Ce'Files opened the door and taking hold of Aldur's hand she walked through to the other side.

"That's all?", said Aldur. "Now we're on Earth?".

"Sort of", said Ce'Files. "We've still to climb down the ladder yet."

Aldur and Ce'Files climbed down the ladder to reach the top of the largest tree Aldur had ever seen.

"How'd you like it?", asked Ce'Files.

"It's . . . ginormous.", said Aldur.

"Come on!", said Ce'Files taking Aldur's hand again, "I'll show you where I live here".

Ce'Files guided Aldur down to a small house situated a quarter of the way down the tree. Ce'Files opened the door and led Aldur inside.

"What do you think of my house?", she asked.

"It's beautiful. Is this where you originally come from?"


Ce'Files looked at her watch. "We've got to go. We haven't much time.".

"Where are we going?"

"First, to get a copy of the song '2 become 1' to repair your world. Second, to make contact with Eriond. Lets go!".

Ce'Files began climbing up the tree again.

"Why are we going up again?", asked Aldur.

"Wait and find out." replied Ce'Files with a giggle.

They reached the top again and Ce'Files opened the door to the house there and went inside. Aldur followed and saw immediately why they had climbed back up the tree. There was a big slide in the centre of the room which Aldur assumed reached the bottom of the tree.

Ce'Files grabbed a cushion, went to the slide and slid off.

"See you at the bottom", shouted Ce'Files.

Why me? thought Aldur as he followed Ce'Files.

Chapter V: Eriond

Old Record Player

Aldur and Ce'Files arrived at the bottom of the tree.

"God! That was fun.", said Aldur.

"I didn't know you gods used the term god like that", said Ce'Files. "I mean, don't you guys say 'Prophecy, that was fun' or something?"

"Just a figure of speech, ", said Aldur, "Besides, I'm no longer a god whilst on this world, right?"


"So, where now?"

"We go to HMV. They usually sell all the singles."

"Okey dokey", said Aldur.

Ce'Files led Aldur into town the usual way via the local bus, and soon they were at the music megastore HMV.

Ce'Files picked up the single '2 become 1' by the Spice Girls and then went on to pick up a couple more.

"What are those?", asked Aldur curiously.

"The first one's 'A Whole New World by Tim Rice sung by Regina Belle and Paebo Bryson'. I wanted to give to a friend of mine."

"Do I know him?"

"Maybe. His name's Bhelliom. Although everyone calls him Worldmaker."

"And what's your second CD?"

"Oh, that one. It's called 'Wake me up, before you go go' by Wham. When played, it has a calming effect on those with a bad temper. In the far future there will come two who are infused by the prophecy of light."

"And. . . ?"

"I don't want to tell you too much. Simply that there will come a day when some close friends will leave them in the middle of the night leaving only a note behind. This music is intended to calm them down a little bit."

"Calm them down? It would cheese me off more than anything. Wake me up before you go go indeed!".

"Ah, but you know what the words mean in English. On World Belgariad, it is a different matter".

"So. . . ."

"Enuff chit chat. We have two hours left. Lets go check on Eriond. He's currently at the Warner Brother cinemas. At least, that is what it says in The Book of Torak".

"How do you know that? Torak hasn't said much."

"I just know what someone writes when they write it, no matter where I am. It's a godly trick, so you should be able to do it. I'll teach it to Eriond someday. It may come in handy."

"I'll take your word for it.", said Aldur.

Ce'Files paid for the CD's with a few bits of metal and then took hold of Aldur's hand yet again and started walking out of HMV and towards the cinema.

"Do you know what my brother Eriond looks like?", asked Aldur.

"No. But it will come to me. I found you didn't I?", Ce'Files giggled.

They arrived at the cinemas shortly and Ce'Files paid for a couple of tickets to see 'Star Wars'.

"Why 'Star Wars'?", asked Aldur.

"Because you don't want to see 'The Empire Strikes Back' until you've seen the first film." replied Ce'Files with a laugh. "Actually, it's because the Light Prophecy told me to go to the screen with the most people in it. It increases the chances of success.".

"I see", said Aldur dubiously.

They walked into the main foyer and bought some Butterkist popcorn and a couple of large Coca-Colas.

"No Sola-Colas I'm afraid. Just mortal food here".

"That's okay, I can get used to it".

"Shall we go in?"

They walked into the main screen and took a couple of seats on the back row and waited. Within minutes the cinema was packed full of people.

"I can't see him.", said Aldur. "How will you know him?"

"Dunno", said Ce'Files. "I was hoping that he would glow".

"How long have we got left?"

"About one hour. About halfway through the film we'll be pulled back into World Belgariad."

The film started ten minutes later after a few trailers. Aldur started to get fidgety as time was slipping away fast.

Luke Skywalker was currently trying to use his lightsaber to hit a ball in a training session.

OB1 was saying, "Luke, feel the force. Close your eyes and concentrate. The force is strong in you Luke. The force will be with you, always. Use the force Luke, use the force. . . ".

Suddenly in one small corner of the cinema, Aldur saw a glow. He looked sharply in that direction and saw a small boy of about seven years old totally absorbed in the film.

Just then Aldur felt a tug.

"That's the spell signalling us to get ready. We're going back to World Belgariad.", said Ce'Files.

"Wait!", said Aldur. "I've located Eriond and I know what I am supposed to do.".

"Hurry then, the spell is already beginning to translocate us. Part of yourself is already forming back home".

Which means that I'm a god again, thought Aldur. What the hell, let's give it a go. Aldur threw his thought to the young boy.

"Remember Eriond, the way home is through the Horse. Remember to use the Horse. The horse, Eriond, the horse . . .remember to use the Horse. . . the Horse be with you, always. . ."

And then he was back at Ce'Files' tree.

"Did you get through to him?", asked Ce'Files.

"I think so! I remember him looking in my direction and smiling."

"Good. Then now we can finish off the remaining task."

"And what is that?"

"To test the song '2 become 1' of course".

"How do we go about doing that?", asked Aldur.

"We simply play the music. The rest will tend to itself".

Ce'Files switched on the CD player and inserted the CD. Moments later the voices of the Spice Girls could be heard.

. . . candle light and soul forever. . .
. . . a dream of you and me together. . .
. . . say you believe it. . .
. . . say you believe it. . .

Aldur felt a sudden longing to hold Ce'Files. He looked at Ce'Files who was sitting next to him and saw that she was experiencing similar feelings.

As Aldur put his arms around Ce'Files, he found that a part of his body began to throb acknowledging Ce'Files' presence.

It wasn't long before they were making love, totally oblivious of their surroundings.

_And done_. A voice sounded in their heads.

"What was that", said Aldur.

"Nothing",. said Ce'Files. "Just that we've completed our tasks for the time being. It's about time you went home. Your father will be waiting for you".

"Good-bye Ce'Files. I'll come down again sometime.".

And then Aldur stepped out of the tree and headed towards the Vale. . . .

Chapter VI: Belgarath


Aldur arrived back at the Vale to find UL waiting for him.

"So, my son", said UL. "Have thouest retrieved the holy prayer '2 become 1'?"

"Yes father", said Aldur handing over the CD.

"Good work my son. I have now another task for thee."

"And what is that father?"

"A mortal named Garath will seek thee out in a hundred years time. Prepare the vale for his coming and teach him the ways of the will and the word. In time he shalt become thy disciple and will aid thee greatly.".

"It will be as you say, father".

And then UL was gone.

Just over a hundred years later, Belgarath arrived at Aldur's doorstep.

You're late, thought Aldur as he welcomed Belgarath into his tower.

At first Belgarath was a little unsociable, but as the decades rolled by, Aldur and Belgarath got to know each other and soon they were close friends - bumchums.

One morning, Aldur said to Belgarth, "My Son, lay down thy study of the mountains. I have another task for thee."

"Yes master.", said Belgarath. "How can I help you?"

"I want thee to travel south towards Tolnedra and study a Dryad. Return when thou hast found the reasons why dryads exist".

"Yes master", said Belgarath.

A thousand years later, Belgarath returned.

"And so Belgarath my son, what hast thouest foundst out?".

"Dryads are monsters created shortly after the world was made. Dryads is an Ulgo term meaning 'Divine Remedy Yielding A Durable Shag'."

"What?", exclaimed Aldur.

"Or it could be 'Divine Remedy Yielding a Durable Screw' I suppose", said Belgarath deep in thought.

"What?", exclaimed Aldur louder.

"Dryads exists to provide gods with sexual pleasure. Because all gods are born male then there are no female deities. However, female women don't have the stamina to entertain gods and therefore Dryads were invented."

"I see.", said Aldur. "What else hath thouest foundst?"

"Well, apparantly they are linked to one or more trees with some sort of invisible bond. The dryad will live as long as her tree, but the more trees a dryad has, the faster the dryad will grow and mature. But by having more trees, each tree will live a shorter life thus shortening the life of the dryad."

"Interesting.", said Aldur. "How were thouest able to come to such conclusions?".

"Oh, it was easy.", said Belgarath. "The old dryad has just died. She created too many trees. She could have lived another thousand years had she not done so. But there's a whole forest out there now".

"Ce'Files!", cried Aldur struck with grief.

"Yes,", said Belgarath. "How did you know her name? Or is it one of those godly things?".

Aldur ignored the question. "Was there nothing that thouest could do?"

"No master.".

"Return to thy studies my son.", said Aldur. And then he was gone.

Belgarath returned to his studies dreaming of Ce'Files and wondering whether any of the offspring that she had bore were his.


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Last updated November 22nd 1998

Note: Books, covers, book titles etc. are copyrighted either by David & Leigh Eddings and/or by their publishers.

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